I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I wish there were birth control emojis
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
