Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
