eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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