I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize