Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
