I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
