i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
