dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
