Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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