Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
