Pappa wants mamma naked
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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