i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
