The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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