you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
