I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
