he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Randomize
