i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
