Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
