Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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