the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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