Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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