So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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