I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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