I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
