honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
