blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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