Heybabeimwearingurpanties
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize