dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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