so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
