sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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