took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
