Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
