is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
