There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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