I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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