I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
