Your face is a jimmy john
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
