If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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