dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
