you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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