Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
