I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
