i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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