How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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