the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
