what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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