Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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