There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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