do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
