oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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