If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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