made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
