I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
