just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
