and you said cock pushups were impossible
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
