gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
...so i touched it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
