why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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