i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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