Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
