The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So many bounce houses so little time
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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