Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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