i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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