I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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