Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
