Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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