mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
