I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you had me at cake vodka
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize