i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
