I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize