Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So many bounce houses so little time
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
