i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
