I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
