So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize