u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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