SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My vagina is officially offended.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
