He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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