theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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