Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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