Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
