Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
