reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
