So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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