hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
