I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
