My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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