Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
