OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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