I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
