Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
