He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
