I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
