He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
