Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Randomize
